So, me and SHEFRAC are in the preliminary stages of pursuing adoption. We want a daughter, as we've already got two sons and SHEFRAC's insides are a rocky place where my seed can find no purchase (actually, she got a tubal ligation during her last C-section). Between our two sons and three nephews, my poor in-laws have nothing but grandsons.

Anyway, if anyone here either was adopted as a child or has adopted a child and would feel comfortable sharing your experiences as they relate to adoption, I would be very interested in reading them. In all likelihood, the girl we'll end up adopting will be 4-7 years old and will have been removed from their family by Child Protective Services. I worry about the child not eventually accepting us as parents, about the child having potential psychological trauma from whatever happened (abuse?) that resulted in her being taken away from her birth parents, and I worry about possible sociopathic genes inherited from parents who were unstable enough to have their child taken away by the state. Are my worries unfounded?

I have a really good friend who adopted a girl from China. Apparently the Chinese don't put up boys for adoption from birth. My friends wife had ovarian cancer so they couldn't have kids. They are real excited and have had the kid almost a year. He started a blog about it and their journey to China and their life since if you want to read it. It is really an entertaining read.

Can I ask why you're choosing this particular route? Is it easier to get approved this way? I ask because another concern might be that this child was unjustly separated from poor parents just because they're poor. CPS can get trigger-happy in some situations where there's been no actual abuse or neglect, because caseworkers can be subjected to punishment for failing to remove children who are later hurt, but not for removing children from situations that may have never reached the point where it was necessary. Just something to look out for.

Yeah, please PM me the link when you get a chance, Teej.

The internet is public enough:

http://www.paynesinchina.blogspot.com/

Similar experience here, 2 sets of colleagues of mine adopted from China- cute little girls too..

It's through Lutheran Social Services, and my wife actually knows more about the specifics in terms of where these kids come from. I certainly wouldn't want to be a party to children being wrongfully taken from their parents. Maybe we could find one who's an orphan, or something. I really would rather adopt an infant or toddler, but that apparently is not as viable of an option.

Actually, we've got a good deal of latitude in terms of being able to adopt from various ethnicities. My wife is Hispanic, and one of our sons is pretty dark-skinned, so we could probably find a natural fit among several different ethnic bacgrounds.

That's wonderful news Bob. Good Luck with it. It's awesome what you and your wife are doing.

I was adopted at the age of 5 weeks....so I can't really speak to your concerns about psychological trauma, but it has been a positive experience for me all around....I've never met my birth parents and am not actively searching for them, but have made my information available in a number of different places should they ever wish to contact me.

In short, no.

Not that that should stop you, though. My sister was adopted, and did a bunch of shit that the rest of the family just didn't do (ie: lie, steal, and drop out of school), and it really hit my parents hard - but at the end of the day I doubt they'd change a thing. I mean, she IS their child - and they take pride in the adult she became, and love and support her in that intense unconditional way that parents do. Plus - and this is something they never talk about and a notion they would probably reject - they really did make a positive difference in a human life.

So I'd say you gotta go into something like this knowing that there MIGHT be extra work - but there'll be no less reward.

I hope to one day, find out that I was adopted.

Sage advice, o wise one. I shall take your words to heart.

You and me, both.

My parents adopted a girl who was 10 at the time (12 now). She's really tested them to make sure they won't abandon her and she is really starting to come around now. She's still obsessed with money, which is common but she's come along way. It's alot of hard work especially in the beginning but it's rewarding or at least it's been so far.

What's to say your own flesh and blood child wouldn't reject you? Or has pyschological trauma from other sources? The challenge of being a parent is always there. Of course, I say this never having been a parent (but would love to).

I've looked into adopting a child, but...damn, the cost is extremely high! International adoption seems to be a less expensive solution, but there are so many American kids who are deserving of a loving household. Makes one torn to decide which route to take.

Best of luck, Bob!

The only reason I would want to be gay is so I could score a lot more tail.

Otherwise, I'd rather not be involved with a hairy, sweaty man and have his balls in my face.

That's the main reason we're taking this route. It's WAYYYYYYYY cheaper than most adoption agencies, etc.

np: Steely Dan - "Glamour Profession"

this post is an attempt at upping my thread kill percentage

just for argument, my parents are my biological parents and i did all this ill shit too.

They probably hate you more than the people abandoning/abusing their kida anyway.

(I know MINE do)

And this is why I have no friends.

<------------Jerk

And that's a fine argument, but in this instance I'm not saying that she lied/stole/dropped out because she was adopted - I'm saying that stuff was evidence that her personality was formed out of a different gene pool than the rest of the family.