Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 35 posts ] 

Board index : Music Talk : Rock/Pop

Go to page 1, 2  Next
Author Message
 Post subject: Adoption
PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 2:06 pm 
Offline
Hair Trigger of Doom

Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2004 2:05 pm
Posts: 21295
Location: Subpoenaed in Texas
So, me and SHEFRAC are in the preliminary stages of pursuing adoption. We want a daughter, as we've already got two sons and SHEFRAC's insides are a rocky place where my seed can find no purchase (actually, she got a tubal ligation during her last C-section). Between our two sons and three nephews, my poor in-laws have nothing but grandsons.

Anyway, if anyone here either was adopted as a child or has adopted a child and would feel comfortable sharing your experiences as they relate to adoption, I would be very interested in reading them. In all likelihood, the girl we'll end up adopting will be 4-7 years old and will have been removed from their family by Child Protective Services. I worry about the child not eventually accepting us as parents, about the child having potential psychological trauma from whatever happened (abuse?) that resulted in her being taken away from her birth parents, and I worry about possible sociopathic genes inherited from parents who were unstable enough to have their child taken away by the state. Are my worries unfounded?

_________________
bendandscoop.com


Back to top
 Profile WWW 
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 2:12 pm 
Offline
frostingspoon
User avatar

Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2004 11:35 am
Posts: 14323
Location: cincy
I have a really good friend who adopted a girl from China. Apparently the Chinese don't put up boys for adoption from birth. My friends wife had ovarian cancer so they couldn't have kids. They are real excited and have had the kid almost a year. He started a blog about it and their journey to China and their life since if you want to read it. It is really an entertaining read.


Back to top
 Profile WWW 
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 2:17 pm 
Offline
Rape Gaze
User avatar

Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2004 7:03 pm
Posts: 27347
Location: bitch i'm on the internet
Image

_________________
Image


Back to top
 Profile WWW 
 
 Post subject: Re: Adoption
PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 2:21 pm 
Offline
frostingspoon
User avatar

Joined: Sat Oct 23, 2004 1:38 pm
Posts: 10237
Location: Hill
FT Wrote:
I worry about the child not eventually accepting us as parents, about the child having potential psychological trauma from whatever happened (abuse?) that resulted in her being taken away from her birth parents, and I worry about possible sociopathic genes inherited from parents who were unstable enough to have their child taken away by the state. Are my worries unfounded?


Can I ask why you're choosing this particular route? Is it easier to get approved this way? I ask because another concern might be that this child was unjustly separated from poor parents just because they're poor. CPS can get trigger-happy in some situations where there's been no actual abuse or neglect, because caseworkers can be subjected to punishment for failing to remove children who are later hurt, but not for removing children from situations that may have never reached the point where it was necessary. Just something to look out for.


Back to top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 2:21 pm 
Offline
Hair Trigger of Doom

Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2004 2:05 pm
Posts: 21295
Location: Subpoenaed in Texas
timmyjoe42 Wrote:
He started a blog about it and their journey to China and their life since if you want to read it. It is really an entertaining read.


Yeah, please PM me the link when you get a chance, Teej.

_________________
bendandscoop.com


Back to top
 Profile WWW 
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 2:23 pm 
Offline
frostingspoon
User avatar

Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2004 11:35 am
Posts: 14323
Location: cincy
The internet is public enough:

http://www.paynesinchina.blogspot.com/


Back to top
 Profile WWW 
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 2:23 pm 
Offline
Fluke Breakthrough Single
User avatar

Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2004 11:17 am
Posts: 2452
Location: getting right with the lord
timmyjoe42 Wrote:
I have a really good friend who adopted a girl from China.


Similar experience here, 2 sets of colleagues of mine adopted from China- cute little girls too..


Back to top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Adoption
PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 2:24 pm 
Offline
Hair Trigger of Doom

Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2004 2:05 pm
Posts: 21295
Location: Subpoenaed in Texas
HaqDiesel Wrote:
FT Wrote:
I worry about the child not eventually accepting us as parents, about the child having potential psychological trauma from whatever happened (abuse?) that resulted in her being taken away from her birth parents, and I worry about possible sociopathic genes inherited from parents who were unstable enough to have their child taken away by the state. Are my worries unfounded?


Can I ask why you're choosing this particular route? Is it easier to get approved this way? I ask because another concern might be that this child was unjustly separated from poor parents just because they're poor. CPS can get trigger-happy in some situations where there's been no actual abuse or neglect, because caseworkers can be subjected to punishment for failing to remove children who are later hurt, but not for removing children from situations that may have never reached the point where it was necessary. Just something to look out for.


It's through Lutheran Social Services, and my wife actually knows more about the specifics in terms of where these kids come from. I certainly wouldn't want to be a party to children being wrongfully taken from their parents. Maybe we could find one who's an orphan, or something. I really would rather adopt an infant or toddler, but that apparently is not as viable of an option.

_________________
bendandscoop.com


Back to top
 Profile WWW 
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 2:26 pm 
Offline
Hair Trigger of Doom

Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2004 2:05 pm
Posts: 21295
Location: Subpoenaed in Texas
shiv Wrote:
Image


Actually, we've got a good deal of latitude in terms of being able to adopt from various ethnicities. My wife is Hispanic, and one of our sons is pretty dark-skinned, so we could probably find a natural fit among several different ethnic bacgrounds.

_________________
bendandscoop.com


Back to top
 Profile WWW 
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 2:27 pm 
Offline
Go Platinum
User avatar

Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2004 2:13 pm
Posts: 9306
Location: New York
That's wonderful news Bob. Good Luck with it. It's awesome what you and your wife are doing.


Back to top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 2:27 pm 
Offline
"Weddings, Parties, Anything…"
User avatar

Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2004 9:27 pm
Posts: 996
Location: Issaquah, WA
I was adopted at the age of 5 weeks....so I can't really speak to your concerns about psychological trauma, but it has been a positive experience for me all around....I've never met my birth parents and am not actively searching for them, but have made my information available in a number of different places should they ever wish to contact me.

_________________
"'Cos if I had some time
I'd use it this time
Escape to something beautiful
'Cos underneath the steel and rust and oil and shit
There's chrome just shining chrome"


Back to top
 Profile YIM 
 
 Post subject: Re: Adoption
PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 2:30 pm 
Offline
frostingspoon
User avatar

Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2004 12:31 pm
Posts: 12368
Location: last place I looked
FT Wrote:
Are my worries unfounded?

In short, no.

Not that that should stop you, though. My sister was adopted, and did a bunch of shit that the rest of the family just didn't do (ie: lie, steal, and drop out of school), and it really hit my parents hard - but at the end of the day I doubt they'd change a thing. I mean, she IS their child - and they take pride in the adult she became, and love and support her in that intense unconditional way that parents do. Plus - and this is something they never talk about and a notion they would probably reject - they really did make a positive difference in a human life.

So I'd say you gotta go into something like this knowing that there MIGHT be extra work - but there'll be no less reward.


Back to top
 Profile WWW 
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 2:37 pm 
Offline
frostingspoon
User avatar

Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2004 11:35 am
Posts: 14323
Location: cincy
I hope to one day, find out that I was adopted.


Back to top
 Profile WWW 
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 2:42 pm 
Offline
Go Platinum
User avatar

Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2004 2:13 pm
Posts: 9306
Location: New York
timmyjoe42 Wrote:
I hope to one day, find out that I'm gay.


Back to top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Adoption
PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 2:45 pm 
Offline
Hair Trigger of Doom

Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2004 2:05 pm
Posts: 21295
Location: Subpoenaed in Texas
Radcliffe Wrote:
So I'd say you gotta go into something like this knowing that there MIGHT be extra work - but there'll be no less reward.


Sage advice, o wise one. I shall take your words to heart.

_________________
bendandscoop.com


Back to top
 Profile WWW 
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 2:46 pm 
Offline
Hair Trigger of Doom

Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2004 2:05 pm
Posts: 21295
Location: Subpoenaed in Texas
timmyjoe42 Wrote:
I hope to one day, find out that I was adopted.


You and me, both.

_________________
bendandscoop.com


Back to top
 Profile WWW 
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 3:03 pm 
Offline
Go Platinum

Joined: Thu Mar 24, 2005 7:04 pm
Posts: 9783
Location: NOLA
My parents adopted a girl who was 10 at the time (12 now). She's really tested them to make sure they won't abandon her and she is really starting to come around now. She's still obsessed with money, which is common but she's come along way. It's alot of hard work especially in the beginning but it's rewarding or at least it's been so far.

_________________
I tried to find somebody of that sort that I could like that nobody else did - because everybody would adopt his group, and his group would be _it_; someone weird like Captain Beefheart. It's no different now - people trying to outdo ! each other in extremes. There are people who like X, and there are people who say X are wimps; they like Black Flag.


Back to top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 3:35 pm 
Offline
Queen of Obner

Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2004 1:24 pm
Posts: 15259
Location: El Pueblo de la Reina de Los Angeles
What's to say your own flesh and blood child wouldn't reject you? Or has pyschological trauma from other sources? The challenge of being a parent is always there. Of course, I say this never having been a parent (but would love to).

I've looked into adopting a child, but...damn, the cost is extremely high! International adoption seems to be a less expensive solution, but there are so many American kids who are deserving of a loving household. Makes one torn to decide which route to take.

Best of luck, Bob!


Back to top
 Profile YIM 
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 3:48 pm 
Offline
frostingspoon
User avatar

Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2004 11:35 am
Posts: 14323
Location: cincy
OPA! Wrote:
timmyjoe42 Wrote:
I hope to one day, find out that I'm gay.


The only reason I would want to be gay is so I could score a lot more tail.

Otherwise, I'd rather not be involved with a hairy, sweaty man and have his balls in my face.


Back to top
 Profile WWW 
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 4:01 pm 
Offline
Hair Trigger of Doom

Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2004 2:05 pm
Posts: 21295
Location: Subpoenaed in Texas
Aural Fixation Wrote:
I've looked into adopting a child, but...damn, the cost is extremely high!


That's the main reason we're taking this route. It's WAYYYYYYYY cheaper than most adoption agencies, etc.

np: Steely Dan - "Glamour Profession"

_________________
bendandscoop.com


Back to top
 Profile WWW 
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 4:18 pm 
Offline
frostingspoon
User avatar

Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2004 11:35 am
Posts: 14323
Location: cincy
this post is an attempt at upping my thread kill percentage


Back to top
 Profile WWW 
 
 Post subject: Re: Adoption
PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 8:40 pm 
Offline
frostingspoon
User avatar

Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2004 1:48 pm
Posts: 10749
Location: getting some kicks at the mall
Radcliffe Wrote:
FT Wrote:
Are my worries unfounded?

did a bunch of shit that the rest of the family just didn't do (ie: lie, steal, and drop out of school), and it really hit my parents hard - but at the end of the day I doubt they'd change a thing.
just for argument, my parents are my biological parents and i did all this ill shit too.


Back to top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Adoption
PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 8:43 pm 
Offline
A True Aristocrat of Freedom

Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2004 11:46 am
Posts: 22121
Location: a worn-out debauchee and drivelling sot
This guy has crack Wrote:
Radcliffe Wrote:
FT Wrote:
Are my worries unfounded?

did a bunch of shit that the rest of the family just didn't do (ie: lie, steal, and drop out of school), and it really hit my parents hard - but at the end of the day I doubt they'd change a thing.
just for argument, my parents are my biological parents and i did all this ill shit too.


They probably hate you more than the people abandoning/abusing their kida anyway.

(I know MINE do)

_________________
Throughout his life, from childhood until death, he was beset by severe swings of mood. His depressions frequently encouraged, and were exacerbated by, his various vices. His character mixed a superficial Enlightenment sensibility for reason and taste with a genuine and somewhat Romantic love of the sublime and a propensity for occasionally puerile whimsy.
harry Wrote:
I understand that you, of all people, know this crisis and, in your own way, are working to address it. You, the madras-pantsed julip-sipping Southern cracker and me, the oldman hippie California fruit cake are brothers in the struggle to save our country.

FT Wrote:
LooGAR (the straw that stirs the drink)


Back to top
 Profile WWW 
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 8:49 pm 
Offline
Rape Gaze
User avatar

Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2004 7:03 pm
Posts: 27347
Location: bitch i'm on the internet
FT Wrote:
shiv Wrote:
Image


Actually, we've got a good deal of latitude in terms of being able to adopt from various ethnicities. My wife is Hispanic, and one of our sons is pretty dark-skinned, so we could probably find a natural fit among several different ethnic bacgrounds.


And this is why I have no friends.

<------------Jerk

_________________
Image


Back to top
 Profile WWW 
 
 Post subject: Re: Adoption
PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 10:11 pm 
Offline
frostingspoon
User avatar

Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2004 12:31 pm
Posts: 12368
Location: last place I looked
This guy has crack Wrote:
Radcliffe Wrote:
FT Wrote:
Are my worries unfounded?

did a bunch of shit that the rest of the family just didn't do (ie: lie, steal, and drop out of school), and it really hit my parents hard - but at the end of the day I doubt they'd change a thing.
just for argument, my parents are my biological parents and i did all this ill shit too.

And that's a fine argument, but in this instance I'm not saying that she lied/stole/dropped out because she was adopted - I'm saying that stuff was evidence that her personality was formed out of a different gene pool than the rest of the family.


Back to top
 Profile WWW 
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 35 posts ] 

Board index : Music Talk : Rock/Pop

Go to page 1, 2  Next

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 29 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Style by Midnight Phoenix & N.Design Studio
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group.