Q: How many riot grrls does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. Riot grrls never changed anything.

A blonde girl turns up one day to a public library and asks to the lady working behind the desk:

"Hello, I would like to order a cheeseburger, with large fries and a coke please."

The other lady:
"Euh....... your are in a library, madam"

The blonde lady (whispering):
"Sorry, I would like to order a cheeseburger, with large fries and a coke please."

how many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb?


....


...


what you haven't heard this before?

how many little kids with A.D.D. does it take to change... let's go ride bikes!

What's the difference between a poontang and a refrigerator?

A refrigerator don't fart when you take the meat out.

HAW HAW HAW!!!

This is about a year out of date, but...

The other night Paul McCartney went down on one knee...or Heather, as he calls her.

from wonkette:

Q: Why don't GOP congressman use bookmarks?

A: They don’t need to; they simply bend over the pages.

what's brown and sticky?
















a stick.

this one's for aaron:

One afternoon, a rich lawyer was driving in his shiny limousine when he sees two men eating grass on the side of the road.

Confused, he tells his driver to stop and gets out to figure things out. He asks the first man, "Why are you eating grass?"

He replies, "We have no money for food and HAVE to eat grass."

The lawyer says to the man, "If that's so, then you can come with me to my house and I'll get you something to eat."

"But, sir, I have a wife and 2 kids! They are over there under the tree."

"Then bring them with you," says the lawyer.

The second man says, "I have a wife, too...and six kids."

"Then bring all of them!"

They all squeezed into the limo and, after they got underway, one of the poor men turned to the lawyer and says, "Sir, you are very friendly. Thank you for letting us all come along."

Deeply moved, the lawyer replies, "It's my pleasure. You'll like it at my house. The grass is 2 feet high."

a guy is out hunting some ducks on the edge of his property. he manages to call a flock of ducks into shooting range. excitedly, he shoots one of the ducks. the duck lands on his neighbor's property. he goes over to retrieve his duck and is met by his neighbor, the farmer.

farmer says, "that's my duck."

the hunter says "that's my duck."

this goes back and forth a few times.

the farmer says "wait a minute, i know a way we can settle this. i'll kick you in the nuts and you'll kick me in the nuts, whoever does it hardest gets to keep the duck."

the hunter agrees that this is a fine way to resolve the matter. the farmer takes two steps back and kicks the hunter right square in the nuts. the hunter falls to the ground, throwing up and gasping for air.

a couple minutes of this passes and the hunter finally manages to solidly get back up on his feet. "okay, okay, it's my turn," he says to the farmer.

the farmer looks at him. "you can keep your fucking duck."

What's the difference between acne and a catholic priest?


Acne waits until you reach puberty to come all over your face.

So I go to the barber and ask for a hair cut. He asks me if I like it better buzzed or trimed. I tell him I'll accept anything as long as its not my wife.

He then tells me to be grateful for what I have, but then remarks that the backyard ain't that great either.

I look at him strange, pull out a set of keys and tell him "Mystery solved, i think you left these on your last trip to the jungle."

The guy behind me jumps up in joy and exclaims "So that's where I lost them!"

PROSECUTOR: "Please tell members of the Jury, is your wife still alive?"

DEFENDANT: "No"

PROSECUTOR: "Is she dead?"

how many psychoanalysts does it take to change a light bulb?





two. one to change the bulb and one to hold the penis. er, i mean bulb.

This is how the cold war really ended. The Americans and Soviets got together and agreed that if this continued, everyone would be dead, so they decided to have a contest to decide the winner once and for all. After some brainstorming, they decided to have a dog fight. Each side would go away and create some crazy fighting dog, and they would regroup five years later and have the dog fight.

The Soviets start breeding a dog that is comprised of pit bull, rottweiler, st. bernard (for size), and several kinds of wolf. They finally have their dog, and they start training it, making it big and strong. They also make it angry by beating it relentlessly, and it turns out to be the craziest dog you ever did see.

The five years is up, and the two sides meet. The Soviets come in with their crazy dog in a steel cage, barking constantly with foam dripping from its mouth. The Americans walk in with a dog that is 15 feet long, six inches tall, and completely calm. The Soviets erupt in laughter at the sight of this odd creature.

They put the two dogs in opposite corners of the cage and release their leashes. The Soviet dog immediately bolts towards the American dog. It's getting closer, and closer, and closer, and right as it is about to take its first bite, the American dog opens its mouth and swallows the Soviet dog whole.

"I don't understand!" exclaimed the Soviets. "We spent five years breeding the ultimate fighting dog!" The Americans replied, "We spent five years doing plastic surgery on an alligator."

For Loog...



How does a mother in Alabama know her daughter's on the rag?



















Her son's dick tastes funny.

two middle eastern men migrate to america and decide to meet up a year later to see how well they've americanized before they go their separate ways. a year passes and they meet up. the first guy says, "i have to pick up my son from baseball practice. my wife's making an apple pie at home. and i'm going to eat it while watching football this afternoon." the second guy says, "fuck you, towelhead."

[img][374:500]http://www.tvparty.com/bgifs6/fridays1head.jpg[/img]

*insert Sgt. Stadanko's "the only kind of meat priests can eat on Friday* joke from Up in Smoke*